Social Skills and Autism: Facing the Future

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with big kid's teacher. He was having a hard time that week following directions and being overly sensitive. Not sure what's going on with him. I can't just ask him what's going on. I'm not going to get an honest answer. Not because he's going to lie, but because he can't. He cannot tell me what's really going on. I don't think he knows what he's feeling. He cannot always translate into words. He cannot express himself fully. I have to play psychic.

Now this is not news to me. Not that I turned a deaf ear, but I want to believe that he will be alright. All I can do is try to get him the help he needs and work with him independently.  All I know is that my window is getting smaller before he hits puberty when everything is just plain awkward. Add his lack of social skills and it will make adolescence even more challenging. I think of bullying, I think of the girls that may shy away because they think he's cute but "weird". Maybe I should just stop thinking. Maybe I should play out every scenario and try to find ways to handle.  

It's one thing to chose to be social.  I have my days. I can be the buzzing bee or I can be recluse. It's my choice. My big kid doesn't have that choice. It just is what it is. 

I do know this:

• Big kid wins people over - everyone that meets him leaves with a smile

• He's funny, he's smart

• He's got an infectious laugh, a laugh that comes from the bottom of his belly and is just genuine 

• He's quite the popular kid. We went to a Walgreen's by one of his doctor's office and we bumped into a former teacher from his old public school; we can walk around the neighborhood and hear a kid or two yelling his name.  

• He's gonna be alright. How do I know?  He has me as his mom, that's why. 

We also spoke briefly about adding goals for next year in his IEP. She asked if there were any specific goals that I wanted to address. I have to think about that for a second. Behavior and coping skills are what comes to mind. Then she mentioned social skills. 

We must all give big kid credit for trying to make friends. For a long time he preferred to sit alone at lunch instead of sitting with the other kids. He's very comfortable in his new class setting and has begun to sit with some of the kids. The thing is, he doesn't recognize social cues. 

He seemed to like one particular boy who is a little older than him. However, he's not on the same page as this boy in maturity. This kid is now into girls and wants to chat with them. Big kid is not there yet. She said he sometimes talks and talks and doesn't realize that the kids have tuned out. This breaks my heart. Is my son doomed to have a friendless future? Will he eventually learn to read social cues with the right support? Will he ever have a friend? A real friend that gets him? These are the questions that I ask myself. It's easy to dismiss when you understand your child. It's a different story when others point it out.