New Year, New Beginnings

This is my first post in 2014. Yes,  it took me 5 days to come up with something to say. I promised myself that I'd blog more often this year. So here it goes: 

A fellow blogger and friend recently read one if my posts and was inspired by my recap of 2013 accomplishments and resolutions. She took the time to think about what  she wanted to do in the new year. She decided to seek within and write down what advice she would give to her younger self if it were possible. I was inspired by her and thought I would do the same.  

I will admit, this was not an easy task. On one hand, I have tons of things I would tell young Shirley, but with that comes the reality of reflecting on those same situations and events that might have caused emotional pains. Pains I thought I buried deep or released or made peace with. But I guess this is another way of healing. I am not weak for acknowledging my errors or unfavorable decisions. I am stronger because I CAN acknowledge them, learn from them and carry on.

1. When you grow up, you're going to go through some pretty tough situations. Some will leave you curled up like a ball and cry your eyes out for days. But you will conquer each situation. You will learn from them. You will grow. There is a silver lining behind every dark cloud.

2. Exercise and eat healthy. Learn to run. Dad will end up having diabetes and kidney failure and needing a transplant. You want to avoid that. Do it for you. Do it for your family.

3. You will find love and lose love. Then you will find it once again and get married. Don't give up on love. You will also lose friendships but you will make new ones. You will have things in common with people from your childhood that you didn't expect. You will meet a great group of women that will support you, listen and acquire knowledge from them.  

4. You will have children. You won't have a boy and a girl like you wanted. You will have 2 boys. But before you do, you will experience the loss of a child. It wasn't your fault so you can forgive yourself. It was a fluke of nature. You will then go on to have a child with special needs, Spina Bifida and Autism to be exact. Yup, you read that correctly, multiple disabilities.  Again, don't waste time blaming yourself. God did not punish you. You were meant to have this child. He will teach you to be patient and kind and he will bring you great joy. You will be more hopeful and humble and you will be stronger, a fighter. Stronger than you've ever been. Even fierce! Above all else, you will NOT be alone. You will have the support of your husband, family and friends.  Don't be scared. Things will turn out they way they should. God will place the right people, his little angels on Earth to help you get through. You will then pay it forward.  

5. You will be a terrific mom, don't ever doubt it. You will love your boys unconditionally. You will fight for them, you will laugh and act like a child with them, you will provide for them. Above all,  always tell them you love them.  Every day.  Several times a day.  They will know you love them without a shadow of a doubt. Try not to be so tough sometimes, just because you were raised with tough love. Give them what you wanted from mom and dad and never got.  Break the cycle.  Don't become bitter.  Become BETTER. 

6.  You will not turn out like dad. Dad's alcoholism had to do with his own personal demons that caused him his health issues. You might have some similarities in toughness and stubbornness (something you will be working on for a while). But you will have self control to never let alcohol or any drug takeover your life. Try to forgive him. You will not be like mom neither. You will learn from them. They raised you well. They did their job. It's your turn to be the best parent, friend, lover, wife, sister that you can be. 

7.  Don't be so serious! You'll have enough to deal with in life. Don't be so hard on yourself neither. You can't please everyone. And don't let people take advantage of you. Be vocal. Stand up for yourself. If you need to walk away from a person or situation because it's not  healthy for you, then do it. Life goes on.  

My friend was right, it's a good thing we could not look into the future. Not sure what my younger self would think about the advice I've just given her. 

What advice would you give your younger self?