Human Connection
Today I had lunch with a friend from High School. It's amazing how humans connect. Back in High School, she and I were cordial, acquaintances actually. In High School you pretty much know everyone in the school regardless of classes you share. She and I did not hang in the same crowd and never shared any classes together yet we knew each other. I remember her keeping to herself and was a very nice person.
Fast forward to a couple of years ago, when I bumped into her and her son at our pediatrician's office. She looked the same, sweet as ever. We found each other on Facebook and have been keeping tabs on each other even though we live only a couple of train stops away. Funny, I'm not sure we had much in common back in HS but life has a way of working things. What's important is that we connect in the now. In the now, we have a lot of things in common, specifically having children with special needs. While her son's diagnosis is different from mine, nonetheless we have a bond. We suffer the same, we struggle the same.
After two years, we finally made it a point to have lunch. We vowed to try to meet up at least once a month. She and I have been going through a tough time over the past couple of weeks and were in dire need of girls time. Today, we laughed, we (well, I) cried. Today we learned that no, we are not crazy, lol, that we share the same feelings, hopes, dreams and fears as parents. We also learned that we are not alone in this special needs world. While we may not fully understand each other's struggles we understand each other's positions as a mothers and the distances we will go for our children.
I look forward to catching up with her again and begin to expand our lunches with other special needs moms that we know. After all, the more we know, the more we grow. Today we created a bond. So if you're reading this friend, THANK YOU. Cheers to many more get togethers.
a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."
"I watched her today.
She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of it's own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty,
prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.
"A mirror will suffice."
Fast forward to a couple of years ago, when I bumped into her and her son at our pediatrician's office. She looked the same, sweet as ever. We found each other on Facebook and have been keeping tabs on each other even though we live only a couple of train stops away. Funny, I'm not sure we had much in common back in HS but life has a way of working things. What's important is that we connect in the now. In the now, we have a lot of things in common, specifically having children with special needs. While her son's diagnosis is different from mine, nonetheless we have a bond. We suffer the same, we struggle the same.
After two years, we finally made it a point to have lunch. We vowed to try to meet up at least once a month. She and I have been going through a tough time over the past couple of weeks and were in dire need of girls time. Today, we laughed, we (well, I) cried. Today we learned that no, we are not crazy, lol, that we share the same feelings, hopes, dreams and fears as parents. We also learned that we are not alone in this special needs world. While we may not fully understand each other's struggles we understand each other's positions as a mothers and the distances we will go for our children.
I look forward to catching up with her again and begin to expand our lunches with other special needs moms that we know. After all, the more we know, the more we grow. Today we created a bond. So if you're reading this friend, THANK YOU. Cheers to many more get togethers.
"The Special Mother" by Erma Bombeck
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice,a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.
This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how these mothers are chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth
Selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia."
"Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who knows no laughter?
That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair.
Once the shock and resentment wear off she'll handle it."
"I watched her today.
She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother.
You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of it's own.
She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive.
Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect.
She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty,
prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life
Because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air. God smiles.
"A mirror will suffice."
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