Facing Our Own Mortality
On May 25, my dad passed away in his sleep at his home. It's only been three weeks yet it feels like an eternity. I was clearly upset about his death and then just when I thought I couldn't be any more sad, my heart broke into additional pieces as I thought about how I would break the news to the boys. Especially to Big Kid. Will he understand what death means? How will he react? Will he miss him? Will he act out in school? Will his behavior change? Will he talk about it or will it just be another day? He used to see his grandfather aka "Papi" everyday after school. How would Pollito take it? He's only 3 but how will he react?
As I was sorting through images of Papi, Big Kid approached me and said " I see you are looking at pictures of Papi." That was my opportunity to tell him that Papi passed away. He was in Heaven and it's ok to cry and miss him because I was going to miss him too. With that he got emotional and began to cry and say things that didn't make sense. I stopped there. That was enough for one night. I explained to him that we were going to the funeral home the next day after he came home from school. I wanted to give him the opportunity to day goodbye to his Papi. It wasn't my right to take that away from him. He chose to sit outside the room. And that was ok. Pollito being the mighty inquisitive young boy he is, ran into the parlor. I asked him if he wanted to see Papi in the casket. He nodded his head yes. I picked him up and walked over to see Papi. He looked over and said "Papi is sleeping." He then turned his head and laid it on my shoulder. He got it. At the tender age of 3 he understood. That broke my heart and I took him outside the parlor.
We include Papi in our prayers every night as to not forget that he's gone. He may not be with us in the physical form but still in spirit. Big Kid has been pretty quiet about Papi passing. At least with us. I got a text from his teacher last week about them reading a story "The Old Woman Who Named Things". It's about an old lady who outlived all of her friends and was sad and lonely. Big Kid made a text-to-self connection, raised his hand and spoke about Papi. He shared that he made a connection with the old lady's friend passing because his grandfather had passed. He spoke about Papi being sick and how now he only has grandma. He said that like the old woman, it made him feel sad. (Cue in waterworks!) It broke my heart. But I was glad that he spoke about it even if it was at school. He's been having some bathroom accidents more now since Papi's been gone. Not sure if he's feeling anxious towards the end of the day since he goes to grandma's house. I'm hoping this subsides sooner than later.
I could not sugarcoat or dismiss Papi's death. It is something that children will deal with at some point. Only time will heal the sadness. Until then, we will continue to pray for him and think of the good memories. All of this made it more clear now to us that we must face our own mortality. We never know when our time will be up. We need to tell the ones we love that we love them every day, every moment. Enjoy the good times and above all, create a will and in our case a special needs trust. We are not promised tomorrow. I want to make sure that when "tomorrow" comes, my boys will be okay.
R.I.P. Papi
8/18/38 - 5/25/14
Since it was a holiday weekend I bought myself some time as I spoke to big kid's teacher and school counselor. I was able to speak to Big Kid's school psychologist for advice. Big Kid is 10 years old. He knows much more than he leads on.
As I was sorting through images of Papi, Big Kid approached me and said " I see you are looking at pictures of Papi." That was my opportunity to tell him that Papi passed away. He was in Heaven and it's ok to cry and miss him because I was going to miss him too. With that he got emotional and began to cry and say things that didn't make sense. I stopped there. That was enough for one night. I explained to him that we were going to the funeral home the next day after he came home from school. I wanted to give him the opportunity to day goodbye to his Papi. It wasn't my right to take that away from him. He chose to sit outside the room. And that was ok. Pollito being the mighty inquisitive young boy he is, ran into the parlor. I asked him if he wanted to see Papi in the casket. He nodded his head yes. I picked him up and walked over to see Papi. He looked over and said "Papi is sleeping." He then turned his head and laid it on my shoulder. He got it. At the tender age of 3 he understood. That broke my heart and I took him outside the parlor.
We include Papi in our prayers every night as to not forget that he's gone. He may not be with us in the physical form but still in spirit. Big Kid has been pretty quiet about Papi passing. At least with us. I got a text from his teacher last week about them reading a story "The Old Woman Who Named Things". It's about an old lady who outlived all of her friends and was sad and lonely. Big Kid made a text-to-self connection, raised his hand and spoke about Papi. He shared that he made a connection with the old lady's friend passing because his grandfather had passed. He spoke about Papi being sick and how now he only has grandma. He said that like the old woman, it made him feel sad. (Cue in waterworks!) It broke my heart. But I was glad that he spoke about it even if it was at school. He's been having some bathroom accidents more now since Papi's been gone. Not sure if he's feeling anxious towards the end of the day since he goes to grandma's house. I'm hoping this subsides sooner than later.
I could not sugarcoat or dismiss Papi's death. It is something that children will deal with at some point. Only time will heal the sadness. Until then, we will continue to pray for him and think of the good memories. All of this made it more clear now to us that we must face our own mortality. We never know when our time will be up. We need to tell the ones we love that we love them every day, every moment. Enjoy the good times and above all, create a will and in our case a special needs trust. We are not promised tomorrow. I want to make sure that when "tomorrow" comes, my boys will be okay.
R.I.P. Papi
8/18/38 - 5/25/14
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